Sunflower Among Daisies

One thing I had always released in my first marriage was that my mother in law and husband were too close. They would have hour long conversations and I couldn’t manage even a fourth of that with my husband. It was something I always struggled with but really couldn’t define and I relied on my sister too heavily as a confidant to compensate. Neither of us identified that we had a communication issue and that we relied on others to bridge the gap we had with each other.

It was very hard for me to be around his family, everything about me was different than how they operated. Even to the bright colors I chose to wear compared to their mostly black attire that the other women in the family wore. Reading through the article “Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families" I could see a lot of similarities in my experience.

One of the biggest ones is I never was accepted as part of the family and instead of working with me to fix that my first husband was at first impassive thinking it must all be in my head because of the idea he had on how loving, accepting, and welcoming his family was. Later on he fully entrenched himself in the idea that I was not his family and that his nucleus family was all he considered to be his family. With hind sight clarity I could see warning signs from the first meeting of me with his family and yet I didn’t have the knowledge and tools to assist with that situation.

Thankfully it has been a complete 180 with my current in laws from what I had before. I am able to enjoy a very healthy relationship with them where I feel loved, accepted, and respected. I live 15 minutes away from them and at first this was something I was concerned about. With my past experience I was worried that the proximity would lead to over involvement. With my first marriage this was something that I never had to worry about as we always lived states away from any immediate family members. I enjoy the security and benefits of living so close to parents while still being able to have that independence and couple identity that is needed.

New Opportunities Bring New Understanding

Recently I have been given the opportunity to see the church counsels in a different light. Before this year I had never been in a church presidency and because of that I had never attended a Bishopric counsel. In October I was called to be the Relief Society President and now I have the opportunity to attend Bishopric counsel but to hold my own counsel with my presidency. It truly is amazing to attend and see the benefit of having all those different auxiliaries meeting together. It is a lot of work to keep the church running and to account for all the members and it is not just a good thing but a necessary thing that we have all these counsels.

I can appreciate the power of a presidency and the inspiration that is provided. To say I would be lost without the rest of my presidency is a gross understatement. I have been impressed and surprised repeatedly at not only the goodness and talent of the woman that I work with but their knowledge and insight to the ward members. There are times that I am completely in the dark about a family in the ward that needs help and one of my counselors will let me know. I can’t effectively serve the woman of the church without my counselors and in turn the Bishop can’t lead without the help of all the other auxiliaries.

The amazing blessing of how well organized the church is gives me a lot of comfort and support in my role. I know that I am not alone and having all the responsibility to succeed alone. I have felt it in the council meetings of the love, respect, and responsibility that is shared between us all. One thing that I have come to appreciate the most is how each auxiliaries coordinates to strengthen, enhance, and or support the other ones. We are all working toward the same goal strengthening our ward and the individual families of our ward, and that has become apparent as we all have worked to help support each other’s ideas.