Clear View

The two chapters we read in Dr. Gottman’s book were difficult to get through
this week becauseof the emotional response I had. I was previously married
and through the examples of the couplesin conflict I saw a lot of similarities
in how my first marriage was. Although not as extreme in the level of
contempt the example of the couple arguing over washing the car was very
similar to the end of my first marriage.

It got to the point that we were literally roommates that didn’t get along and
avoided each other.We rarely had arguments because I did all I could to avoid
speaking to him and he did the same.There would be weeks were we didn’t
speak at all. Going through the reading and especially the love map section I
came to see that this was our biggest downfall. He had his medical school
identify and I had my work identity and we rarely shared that with one
another. His confident in all was his mom and mine was my sister, instead of
reaching out to each other we sought comfort and understanding elsewhere.

As hard as it was remember what happened in the past it was a very positive
reassurance of howmy second marriage is going. For my husband and I we
truly work daily on our love maps. When we started dating we were two hours
apart and relied heavily on technology and we have kept up the trend of being
in continuous contact throughout the day. We are constantly checking in with
each other, getting excited to see each other for lunch or after work, making
sure that the other is having a good day, and knows that we love and miss
each other.

Since we did this our whole relationship it hasn’t really seemed like a big deal
to me that we do this. Going through the exercises and learning more about the
importance of being involved with each other I realize how much positive work
my husband and I do for each other on a daily basis. We are constantly
 reaffirming our fondness and love for one another.